I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
