it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
