Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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