I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
