So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
from now on my penis is your penis
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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