The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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