Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
