I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
