The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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