About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
