She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
