The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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