Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
3pm strippers are depressing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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