Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She bit a glass in half.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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