dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
