He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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