Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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