It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
