I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
