If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
