Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
