I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
