i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
