Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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