whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
