My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love having hate sex.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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