Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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