There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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