He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
