She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
