Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk is a universal language darling
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
