I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
