I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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