I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
