I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
