He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
