i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
