If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
