dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
