And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
