is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
