You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
