Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
