At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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