my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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