This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
