The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
