Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
