I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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