Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
