i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Semen is not good for contacts.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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