Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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