I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
