I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
